A Feminist Roar

I was walking to class today and a wild series of thoughts hit me. I was walking and a girl passed me. She was tall, had great legs and a nice butt. She had an awesome outfit on and most importantly, she looked like she felt amazing. She looked on top of the world!

My first thoughts were jealous. I envied her body and her attitude. Those are basically my initial reactions to every girl who I deem more attractive than me.

My second thoughts were much different.

I thought, "Good for her! Fuck, it's amazing ANYONE can feel good about themselves when everyone around them with a voice loud enough is telling them they're not good enough!"

Every single industry that markets to women is making money off of our insecurities and lack of self-worth. Every single man that objectifies a woman is telling her she is nothing if she does not have a good body.

That's bullshit.

I hate feeling shitty about myself. I hate seeing other women feel shitty about themselves.

How do we organize ourselves, make ourselves a powerful enough entity to defy this regime? We have to unite. Compliment each other, tell ourselves that we're fucking awesome, and love one another no matter how their hair is cut or colored. As soon as we can feel good about ourselves and who we are independent of how we appear, that industry of insecurity will crumble.

And on top of that, we'll feel good.

Gosh, it's embarrassing to try and remember the last time I've felt good.

So, girl who rocked it today, thanks. Maybe I'll be able to rock it too someday.

It is so hard to tell myself something different from what everyone else is telling me.

And it's not even just women anymore. Men are being just as attacked as we are now. Have you seen those Axe commercials?

"Men, you are not good enough and women won't like you if you don't smell like how we tell you to."

A Story w/ Questions

I was sitting. I was sitting on a couch in a room that had four other people in it. Each of us were together and in fact, there had been two more people in that room that had been with us up until they stopped being with us. We were all together in one room but we weren't... together.

Each of us had our own thoughts.

Fragments of potential conversations drifted around the room in a lilt. Handicapped by distraction.

None of us needed to talk to the other.

None of us even wanted, necessarily, to talk to the other.

We all had our own ideas, our own thoughts, even our own expectations of the night that we were sharing.

This is what I know to be a social gathering. This is what I know to be a night out, a night together.

Would this be different if we had nothing to look at but each others faces?

One had his titles of music. One had applications aplenty. Two were sharing a screen, neither sharing a moment.

What would happen if there were no screens to look at? What would happen if our only entertainment was the people who shared the room?

Would we be genuinely together? Would we truly enjoy each others' company?

Or would we find out that we really don't like each other all that much?

Is our company permissible because we have distractions to hide the things we don't like?

How can I know whether I want to be with a person if I've never been with them and no one or nothing else?

And one last question. Our lives are fleeting specks of moments in a universe that will expand beyond imagination, our concerns and joys long, long forgotten. Our race will end and everything will persist. We are smaller than we can ever imagine. And yet, to us, our lives are all we know. We are the centers of our own universes and by the time our lives are done, all we will have is the memories of what we've seen, who we've met, and where we've been.

Why would we want to waste those precious seconds with people, people we could grow to love or hate or live with, and never look at their faces? Never engage with or learn deeply about?

My goals have been slow to develop and I'm enjoying the month, teasing up or taming down the desires and expectations I have for myself. I have discovered another one.

Meet the people around me and spend the little time I have to learn as much as I can about them and what I can do for them. Forget the phone, computer, or TV for a second. Those will be around forever, but people and time are such fragile, fleeting things.

I have to embrace these wonders of life.

Situations in which one should not pick their nose:

1. In class.
2. At a party.
3. On a date.
4. In a hallway with a bunch of doors that cannot be determined to be opened or closed nor containing people looking out of said doors.
5. During the birth of ones child.
6. While driving in the snow.
7. While cuddling with ones partner.
8. During any social gathering.
9. While giving a speech.
10. While on stage at all (unless demanded by the playwright).
11. While doing something else embarrassing that would cause people to look at you.
12. On Skype EVEN IF they've told you that your screen has frozen.
13. While cooking.
14. Etc.

The Cure

There doesn't seem to be anything sisters and kittens can't cure.

That and Seinfeld.

I'm back home.

And all I can think about is Christmas! What can I get for everyone? It's so difficult. I already know about my sister, roommate, boyfriend, and three of my friends. But there's still my mother, father, step father, and father's girlfriend...

I love giving my loved ones presents. I wish I could do it all the time.

"Happy Monday! Here's a gift!"

P.S. I miss you.

An Abomination

I was just recently sickened, and I'd like to discuss it. If not for any one of you, then simply for me. (Let's be honest, who is this blog really for?) I guess I just need to rehash some thoughts and get this tornadoe onto something more managable.
I saw Earthlings (this blog is getting closer and closer to a movie critique thing than is comfortable for me.) the other day. It's a documentary on the meat industry predominantly as well as animals in the clothing industry.
What I noticed, which became of extreme importance as the documentary progressed, was that they were careful to point out that the instances of which they spoke and the scenes they showed were not isolated cases but rather, the standard that is carried out globally.
I'm not going to go into detail because I do not want to ruin the documentary for you if you do choose to see it and just in case there are any people of weak constitutions reading this, but I will tell you what has happened afterwards.

1. I laid down on the couch and wept. Not a couple tears or some hiccups. Genuine sobbing. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. Imagining the specific animals that have gone into my selfish lifestyle and their suffering hurt me on such a deep level.
2. I took every leather article of clothing and threw them out. So far they've been picked up by others who thought they were nice or cool, some are still waiting to be claimed.
3. I brushed my teeth and while looking at myself in the mirror, I started crying.
4. I started to ask my God some questions.
A. Why did he create creatures that can inflict so much harm onto those less powerful?
B. What is in our hearts that can be so callous to suffering?
C. Is there any peace or justice for these animals? Does God look after them and care for them before, during, and after their torture and slaugher?
D. What can I do to minimize or end this suffering?

That last question I dwelled on for a while. Now, I'm vegetarian. I'm almost a vegan, but I will eat eggs and milk if I can guarantee that the chickens and cows involved are leading happy and comfortable lives and are being respected just as any living thing deserved.
No more leather or suede sits in my closet and never ever ever will there be any in my closet.
But, as a single consumer, is that enough? How can I make a mark and fight the fight for those who can't (and not look like a crazy PETA bitch)?
I don't know the answer to that question.
So for now, my choices as a consumer will have to do the job.

Can you even imagine?

Yesterday I was in one of those hormonal swings of emotion in which I get caught up in evils and sainthood and I stew in the misery of being alive and human. My darling boyfriend was trying to pull me off that swing and onto solid ground and I started thinking:

What would the world be like if everyone strove for success of the human race?

What if everyone felt their purpose in life was to better the quality of life for every man, woman, and child?

What if the reason every being grew up, went to school, and learned a trade was in order to make the world around them a better place?

What if there was no such thing as individual gain?

What if there was no pleasure found in collecting personal riches?

I didn't know where I was going to go from there.

But then Will in his blog Hardcore Genting, showed me a society where that already exists.

Yes! Here on this Earth there is a species where they build towers a mile high (in relation to their size) and dig a mile deep and construct beautiful things with nothing but wood, spit, and total dedication to their species as a whole.

This video painted a beautiful picture in my head.

A society where men are angels. Mankind needs no reigning force to keep them in line.

In a vast and every darkening world, man looked for nothing but beauty and creation for every being.

Can you imagine what we would have already accomplished had most of us not wasted our lifetime on monetary gain???

We would definitely already have a near perfectly efficient source of energy.

Can you picture buildings a mile high with gardens on every floor and absolutely no waste from the creation and upkeep of such an extravagant building?

Can you imagine living in a dorm at your school and eating dinner and sharing with your peers exactly how each one wanted to make the world brighter, cleaner, or healthier? Can you imagine that sense of unity you would feel being simply human?

Artists would create to bring peace or happiness to the audience or onlookers.

Athletes would perform to bring drama and excitement to everyone's lives and for the love of a game and comradery.

I'm having a societal orgasm just thinking about this utopia.

The key is, however, that there would be not one single person on this planet with any intention of taking advantage of the rest of us. One man with a desire for individual gain would bring this entire imaginary and despairingly impossible world crumbling.

I can just barely imagine this world.

Thinking about it too much makes me forget the real world in which we reside.

I'm pathetic in thinking so, but I like to entertain the idea that this mentality isn't too far off from possibility.

Not even I am so unselfish though.